Northern Outpost
by RedAmaranth
Summary: Hawkeye heads to Mustang's remote outpost to demand answers as to why he left without so much as an explanation. She deserves that much.  Chapter 1 focuses on Hawkeye, Chapter 2 focuses on Mustang. Takes place after the anime, before COS.  Royai.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N I've been trying to work through a bout of writer's block and this is what resulted. The first chapter is focused on Hawkeye while the second is focused on Mustang. I've never done something like this, so I hope it was successful. Comments are appreciated. Enjoy. _

**Disclaimer: I do not own FMA or its characters. This is purely for fun.**

She wasn't sure what compelled her to make the trek to the isolated northern outpost.

He had made his choice; _he_ had been the one to leave. Every time she reminded herself of that she felt even stupider for her own decision. Why should she have to go to him? Clearly he had no interest in how she was doing. He hadn't called or written since he had left a year ago. Emotion swelled in her chest when she thought about it. How many years of her life had she devoted to him only to have him turn his back on her and leave? He had given her no explanation. It had been his choice. _His_ choice. And yet she had made the choice to go after him.

She had waited as long as she could. It had been one year, give or take a little. She was no longer keeping track of how long she had served without him. Cruel bastard. She wished she could move on and get on with her life. She deserved that much at least. No matter how hard she tried she couldn't shake the thought of him, couldn't shake the pain she felt when she thought about him. What hurt her worse was the fact that she knew he kept in contact with one of his former subordinates, Jean Havoc. Havoc never told her about it, he knew the betrayal she felt, but she knew nonetheless. Even though their contact was minimal at best, it still pained her to know she was not the one he had chosen.

She felt like she had been walking for hours in the endless, snowy abyss. Her town car could only take her so far before there were no more roads. Snow had already begun to seep into her boots and her toes were starting to go numb. Her lips were chapped and her fingers had frozen long ago as she held the collar of her coat over her nose. Where the hell was this place anyway? She stopped walking and looked around. There was nothing but snow and trees. She was starting to think she was lost. Well, all the better. Maybe she would freeze up here and one day when her body was found he would feel guilty about her death. She laughed bitterly and continued walking. She no longer had the intention of dying for that man. Not anymore.

After what seemed like an eternity, she saw the small cabin. An unexpected happiness rose inside her when she saw a candle flickering in the window. He was there, just up ahead of her. Finally, after all of her waiting, he was just a couple of steps in front of her.

She practically ran.

A weight in her gut made her stop short of the front door as reality set in. What would she even say to him if he didn't turn her away? Why had she even come up this far north? Should she beg him to come back to Central, to her? No, she would never lower herself to something such as begging, especially after all the pain he had caused her. What she wanted to do was yell and scream at him. Yes, that must have been why she had come. But she would have been lying to herself if she didn't admit that what she really wanted was to see his face, just one more time.

Taking a deep breath she knocked firmly on the door. Instantly fear overtook her, urging her to leave now before he had a chance to open the door. Fear also held her in her place. After a moment the door opened slowly and she held her breath, straightening her shoulders. The instant his figure was visible to her, old habits rushed back and she raised her hand to her head, saluting him. He didn't return it. His eyes held hers, no emotion crossing his face. She hoped hers was just as blank, though she could feel a firestorm raging inside her.

Without a word he turned and walked away from the door, although he didn't close it and like a good dog, she followed. The cabin was only slightly warmer than outside, but she was grateful for the warmth it did offer. The aroma of coffee and burning wood from the fireplace instantly filled her nose. A pang of nostalgia hit her as she remembered how much he enjoyed coffee. His office almost always used to smell of it. His was a small place, one common room with a couch and chair and a homey rug in front of the fireplace. She guessed there was a bedroom someplace around the corner, maybe a small kitchen too. She assumed she wouldn't be getting a tour, so her guesses would have to be enough for now.

He stood with his back to her as she closed the door behind them.

"What brings you here, Lieutenant?" He asked solemnly, walking towards the couch. He turned to face her, motioning that she sit.

"I thought I would check up on you, sir." She answered quietly, remaining where she stood. Knowing she couldn't be persuaded, he nodded and sat down himself.

"I appreciate it, but there's no need. If I needed something I would have asked Havoc." His words stung as if he had physically slapped her in the face.

"I see sir, my apologies." Her voice almost wavered, but she was able to keep it strong. She could feel tears welling up behind her eyes but she fought them down quickly.

"You're still in the military then." He said plainly. She didn't answer him. "There's no reason to protect me anymore, Lieutenant, you can live your life now."

"Is that why you've neglected to keep in contact all this time?" She asked angrily. This time he didn't answer her. "If I had gotten out would anything be different? Would you have made any effort at all?" She was losing herself now. He couldn't be serious. She had tried to move on with her life, but her presence here showed just how successful that venture had been.

"I apologize for not telling you about my decision to come out here." He whispered.

"You didn't need my permission." She grit her teeth.

"I'm sure it's been hard on you. It was unfair of me." He continued quietly. His words incensed her and she knew she wouldn't be able to hold back much longer.

"What makes you think I've been having a hard time with it? I should be considering it a vacation! No more babysitting you, making sure you've finished your paperwork, no more damage control when you make an ass out of yourself. No more keeping track of _your_ schedule – including your private one." She seethed. He flinched and she knew she had struck a nerve.

"Well then I'm glad I could alleviate some of your workload." That was it. She couldn't take anymore of this. She had tried her best to remain professional and collected, to not let him see how deeply she had been hurt. But being this close after all this time, wasting time with formalities, avoiding the subject they both knew need to be addressed, it was too much.

"You're a fool, Roy Mustang!" She shrieked, tears falling from her eyes. She hated herself for it. She hated crying, especially in front of him. She hadn't cried in front of him since she was a girl and he was a student of her father. Even during the war in Ishval she had held her own when in his presence. But not now, she just couldn't keep herself composed now.

"Oh, Riza." He said softly, watching her, sadness etched all over his features.

"Don't you dare." She warned, trying to calm herself. "Don't you dare call me that. Not after what you've done." Her voice barely broke a whisper now.

"You're right, I have no right to use that name anymore. But you must understand-"

"Understand? Understand what?" She looked at him, eyes full of fury. "How do you expect me to understand the reason, whatever it may be, you left your duty in Central? Please, make me understand how you could have left your dreams, _our _goals without a second thought. And please, _please_ make me understand how you could have turned your back on me, after everything I've done and sacrificed for you." Her shoulders heaved and she fell to the floor, all of her emotions pouring out. She felt selfish for saying it, but she had waited so long. If she was honest with herself, this was the very reason she had decided to come. He had to know how he had hurt her.

The room was silent for a moment, except for her sobbing. She tried to stop, but soon gave up caring. Now was her time to let it out. She knew she wouldn't allow herself to cry about it again when she left here. It was now or never and if it wasn't now she knew she would fall apart. Suddenly she felt his arms on hers, he was on his knees. She froze. She hadn't heard him cross the room and she didn't dare look at him. She wanted to push him away, but she couldn't bring herself to.

"Forgive me, Riza." He pleaded, his voice weak. He put a finger to her chin and raised it so their eyes met, his searching hers. "Please." She held his gaze, trying to keep her face unreadable but she knew it was hopeless. She was an open book right now, especially to him.

"But why? Why did you leave?" If her face didn't betray her, her voice certainly did. He waited a moment before he answered.

"All I can say is that I never wanted to hurt you. Never. I thought if I...if I just left it might not sting so badly. You're right, I am a fool. I've been unfair to you." He stuttered, trying to find the words.

"I've hated you for a long time now, you know that?" She said evenly. She felt his hands shake as she spoke.

"I shouldn't expect any different." His voice was pained. She sighed sadly; glad that he understood where she was coming from. She wanted to say more, to make him feel as terrible as she did, to make him suffer like she had. It was then that she realized that he did. Looking at him now she could see the pain and unhappiness that he had been feeling ever since he left Central. He looked broken and defeated. And now with her showing up and yelling and crying like a child, that could have only added to the hurt he was dealing with.

Even after all he had done to her, all the hurt she had endured, she felt ashamed to have caused him any pain. The thought of him hurting now, when just moments ago she had wished for it, broke her. It was clear to her that she had gone too far when she told him she hated him. Of course she didn't, she could never hate a man like him. Why had she said such a foolish thing?

Already in a vulnerable state, she crumbled again at this realization, tears falling once more. But this time she pulled herself against him and cried into his chest. She needed to be close to him, needed to feel him hold her, no matter how bitter she was. He held her tightly and rested his head atop hers. She let herself melt into him and wished they could stay like that forever. His touch was everything she had wanted for years, even before he left. If only she had known that a few pathetic tears could do the trick, she would have cried in front of him long ago.

After a few more moments, she forced herself to push away from him. She dried her eyes, gave him a small smile and stood up.

"We look forward to your return to Central, sir." She said formally, the only trace of her breakdown was a slight redness in her eyes. She saluted him as she had on her arrival, waiting for him to accept her departure. He stood up and saluted, nodding once.

"Until then, Lieutenant."

"Take care, sir."

She opened the door and entered the blistering cold, back to her life, separate from his once again.


	2. Chapter 2

He leaned against the counter, taking a sip from his coffee mug. It was strong, just the way he liked it. It was already his second cup but he was still feeling ragged and tired. A part of him wished to head back to the bed and curl up under the blankets. He knew he shouldn't though and took a long gulp, scalding his tongue slightly. He didn't mind the pain; it helped him to forget about the emotional pain he battled every day. He laughed silently at his thought process. What was he becoming, if he thought about things like that?

Becoming? It was more a question of what he had already become. He was a monster, a miserable one at that. But he supposed it was what he deserved. He had dug his own grave, so to speak. He was beginning to make himself a piece of toast when a knock on the door interrupted his thoughts. He wasn't expecting anyone, Havoc had come around the other week and no one else ever ventured this far north. In fact, not many people knew where his cabin was and he couldn't think of anyone who would even want to see him. Except one.

He made his way to the door and opened it slowly. And there she was, standing before him, her hand in the salute position. He didn't know which image made him sicker to his stomach, her standing in his doorway, or the way she stood, so defiantly, saluting him like old times. He wished he could turn her away, but he didn't have it in him. Besides, in a way he was grateful she had come. He turned to return inside, leaving the door open for her. She followed him, shutting the cold of the snow out, but he felt another coldness enter the room with her.

"What brings you here, Lieutenant?" He asked, turning towards her, noticing she was in her military uniform and black overcoat, hardly proper attire for the weather. He assumed this had been an impromptu outing. He motioned for her to come join him on the couch, knowing that the trek had probably made her exhausted.

"I thought I would check up on you, sir." She replied, standing firmly in her spot, ignoring his silent request. He knew now the mood in which she had come. Deciding not to push her more, he sat down by himself, slightly offended she had refused him.

"I appreciate it, but there's no need. If I needed something I would have asked Havoc." He said squarely, watching her as she faltered. He knew his words hurt her and he assumed she was here because she was wounded due to his actions over a year ago. He knew she was a bold woman, but he had not expected this. Maybe he should have gone back to bed and ignored her knocking.

"I see sir, my apologies." If he thought she had faltered before, he was sure he was mistaken now. She was just as strong as ever, holding his gaze.

"You're still in the military then." He said, referring to her attire. A small part of him had hoped she would get herself out of the lifestyle that had stolen her innocence. He had always felt responsible for her decision to serve. It haunted him. He waited for an answer and received none.

"There's no reason to protect me anymore, Lieutenant, you can live your life now." He finished, hoping that perhaps if he said it out loud, it would lift her burden and he wouldn't have to feel so damn guilty.

"Is that why you've neglected to keep in contact all this time?" She spat. He remained silent. "If I had gotten out would anything be different? Would you have made any effort at all?" Her hands were trembling. He knew the answer as well as she did.

"I apologize for not telling you about my decision to come out here." He said quietly, meaning every word of it. He had regretted it since he boarded the train out of Central. But there was no turning back.

"You didn't need my permission." She replied. But he wanted it, and he knew she never would have consented.

"I'm sure it's been hard on you. It was unfair of me." He hoped that would be enough to satisfy her and allow her to move on. He knew she deserved more but he wasn't ready to face her yet. But that was just like her, to make him own up to his actions even when he didn't want to.

"What makes you think I've been having a hard time with it? I should be considering it a vacation! No more babysitting you, making sure you've finished your paperwork, no more damage control when you make an ass out of yourself. No more keeping track of _your_ schedule – including your private one." She fumed. He felt himself flinch under the weight of her words. She was damned right. She had worked her ass off for him and sometimes he took her for granted. Guilt consumed him and he couldn't fight it. He knew he had disrespected her, betrayed her when he left without even a goodbye. How cruel he had been. After everything she had done…

"Well then I'm glad I could alleviate some of your workload." He countered. She bit her lip as he spoke and he knew he had done it. It was like there was a challenge in the air. Who could break who first? It was not a game he didn't want to win nor did he want to lose.

"You're a fool, Roy Mustang!" She screamed, her voice at the loudest he had ever heard it. He sat straight up and stared at her, not failing to notice the tears that streamed down her face. Her turmoil was apparent in her voice and his heart broke for her.

"Oh Riza." He whispered, his own voice failing him. He thought he saw her soften at the sound of her name, but once again he misjudged her.

"Don't you dare." She shut her eyes tight, clenching her fists. Don't you dare call me that. Not after what you've done." And then she was silent. It broke him to hear her say that. He rarely used her first name when addressing her, and to have her reject it was devastating.

"You're right. I have no right to use that name anymore." He wouldn't give up. "But you must understand-" She cut him off instantly.

"Understand? Understand what?" Her eyes were furious, her face flushed. "How do you expect me to understand the reason, whatever it may be, you left your duty in Central? Please, make me understand how you could have left your dreams, _our _goals without a second thought. And please, _please_ make me understand how you could have turned your back on me, after everything I've done and sacrificed for you." And then she broke, falling to the floor, tears streaking down her face. If he thought he had broken before, he was shattered now. He couldn't remember a time since they had joined the military that she had cried. She was always a pillar of strength, _his _pillar of strength. To see her crumble before his eyes, fall to his floor, crying because of him. It was too much. He should have expected as much, he deserved to see this. He deserved to feel all her pain right along with her. But he couldn't let her continue to suffer, not if there was something he could do. Perhaps that's what compelled him to leave the couch and lower himself to her, putting his arms on hers. He felt her tense instantly and wanted so badly to pull her into him and hold her. But he knew he would be selfish if he gave into that. This was as much for himself as it was for her.

"Forgive me, Riza." He begged her, looking to catch her eye but she was staring at the ground. He brought his finger to her chin and lifted it so their eyes met. Her beautiful amber eyes were clouded with anguish. "Please." He implored, keeping steady eye contact with her. Her mouth quivered as he spoke. She lowered her eyes and for a moment there was silence between them.

"But why? Why did you leave?" Her voice quaked. He had no answer for her, but he knew he had to muster up something.

"All I can say is that I never wanted to hurt you. Never. I thought if I...if I just left it might not sting so badly. You're right, I am a fool. I've been unfair to you." He didn't hear himself as he spoke and hoped his exclamation was enough, though he doubted it.

"I've hated you for a long time now, you know that?" Her voice was hollow and cut through the silence like a knife. Now he faltered and he felt a shiver go through his entire body. To hear her say she hated him. He knew she was hurting, but hate? He wished she would take it back. He almost pleaded for her to change her mind.

"I shouldn't expect any different." He said shakily. He barely heard her sigh. His thoughts were clouded now and he stared blankly ahead. _I've hated you for a long time. _So that was it, she had come here to tell him that. He doubted if even she knew just how much she had rocked the foundation of his world.

Neither spoke, barely even breathing. Then, just as suddenly as the first time, she began sobbing again, burying herself in him. He wrapped himself tightly around her and kissed the top of her head, resting his on top of hers. Sobs wracked her body as he held her. She was warm against him and smelled so sweet. After all the years they had known each other, they had only held each other in an embrace once, the day she revealed the secrets of her father's research to him. She had cried then too.

As soon as it had begun, it ended. She softly pushed herself away from him, wiping her eyes with her sleeve. She smiled silently and a wave of relief crashed over him. She didn't hate him after all, her smile told him that much. She began to stand and he followed her lead.

"We look forward to your return to Central, sir." Her words were strong as she saluted him once more. Nodding, he returned it this time.

"Until then, Lieutenant."

"Take care, sir."

And with that, she left, not once looking back. He hadn't expected her to. She was always looking forward, forward towards a better and brighter future.


End file.
